Disclaimer: This post is meant for our humor section, which hasn't been setup yet but will be soon! And remember, laughter is still the best medicine! This is satire and not the opinions of the Army of Love!
Ever wonder why the government chooses the names it does for things? Green Day might call it all part of "the subliminal mindfuck America," as opined in their classic "American Idiot."
The word "delta" itself makes us think of some violent 80's action film that doesn't exist like "Delta Squadron X," or Luke Skywalker shouting, "Attack Pattern: Delta! Go now!" from his snowspeeder as he commanded Rogue Squadron against Imperial Walkers at the Battle of Hoth in "Empire Strikes Back."
In reality, it's the highest terrorist threat level given by the Domestic Intelligence Agency (DIA - There's more IA's than the CIA!) that means terrorist action against a specific location is imminent.
"Delta" also denotes reliability as the name of an American airline without too many crashes under its belt, and beautiful stewardesses who are apt to keep those Jack and gingers coming as you write on your laptop about the adventure you just went on.
Finally, a delta is a triangular tract of sediment deposited at the mouth of a river, typically where it diverges into several outlets, which of course could be mean they're trying to tell us this is just the first of many spinoffs of this mutation.
The point is, when something is labeled "delta," it must mean something pretty serious, while at the same time something comforting. One wonders where the government will go after "Delta," as "Bravo," for example, is clearly not going to strike fear in the hearts of innocent men, women and children.
Then there's the symbol for the letter Delta in the Greek alphabet (above). It's a triangle, which invokes thoughts from years of what some call "conspiracy theorists" and others call "people who research more than you because they care more about humanity via empathy," saying the phrase, "They do everything in threes," could be heard commonly among them.
Nikola Tesla said if you can understand the power of, "3, 6, 9," you could understand the secret to the universe, whatever that means.
The lowercase version looks like The Serpent that perhaps once told Adam not take the Apple from the Garden of Eden. Now look at the corporation that's been made in its name and how it outsourced its manufacturing to China for cheap labor. "Theorists" would say The Serpent is a Biblical representation of Satan, and the satanic black magic cult that runs the world with its psy-op wizard spells it casts upon all of us.
Then there's "Variant." The "subliminal mindfuck" there being that to vary from the herd, from the status quo, to think for oneself, to not blindly be part of the collective hive mind said satanic black magic psy-op wizard cult is trying to create is equivalent to being an even more deadly version of a virus that has stricken all of humanity.
Maybe in a positive sense, they're saying the power of new ideas could be the virus a la "War of the Worlds" that takes out the aliens that they're secretly beholden to behind the scenes that we don't know about, and they're trying to get you to be bold and brave with those new ideas like Nietzsche would want you to be.
It's a strong name; "Delta Variant." And the question remains where the government, military and mainstream media will go from there with a name for the next mutated strain to effectively keep us all afraid.
The Army of Love took it upon itself to help them with this task, combining military phonetic alphabet words like "delta" (used to give letter-by-letter messages via phone or radio) with synonyms of the word "variant," followed by a brief explanation of the scenario where this name could be used most effectively. Enjoy!
The Alpha Anomaly - This strain targets alcoholics.
The Bravo Evolution - Targets those who still watch cable and got a little too upscale.
The Charlie Nonconformist - Hurts Chaplins, Sheens, and Murphys. Not Roses.
The Echo Protester - This one affects rebels who only do "repeat-after-me's."
The Foxtrot Freethinker - Strikes those who dance too closely, or think too far apart.
The Golf Monstrosity - Nails Presidents who golfed more than they saved the world.
The India Hotel Alteration - Found in Indian hotels with too many modified curtains.
The Juliet Dissident - Only targets woman who refuse to be romantic.
The Kilo Variation - Takes out drug dealers who try to short you on that weight.
The Lima Irregularity - Hits those who enjoy eating beans or come from Peru.
The Mike Mutation - Clings to microphones and anyone nicknamed "The Situation."
The November Spinoff - Destroys the unoriginal, but only during sweeps week.
The Oscar Version - Kills those who make us laugh, cry and think all in one sitting.
The Papa Permutation - Injures fathers who are way too into math and science.
The Quebec Deviant - Exists when Canada rebels against The Crown like America.
The Rome Metamorphosis - Attacks empires that went from normal to "Holy."
The Sierra Sea Change - Earthquakes put California in the ocean, then this appears.
The Tango Objecter - It takes two to tango, but if you refuse when asked, you die.
The Uniform Alternative - Say goodbye, oxymorons. You're this strain's lunchmeat.
The Victor Vicissitude - Infects Stephen A. Smith and winners with high vocabulary.
The Whiskey Modification - Touches down into those who fly Delta (see above).
The X-ray Development - Enhanced by electromagnetic waves of radiation.
The Yankee Exception - Afflicts those who have experienced true "white privilege."
The Zulu Transformation -Side effects include living tribally with vibrance and gusto.
There you have it folks, 24 new names for America and the CDC to choose from following the Delta Variant, that as of today is saying is much more bigger, meaner and scarier than we could've imagined. We hope we took away some of your fear and turned it into laughter here.
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And We Are One. That part is real.
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